If I had to pick one moment in all of Thunder Wolves where I simply gave up on logic, it would probably be when I had to take down a modern-day battleship equipped with no less than 12 Phalanx CIWS systems, 18 SAM launchers, 10 dual barreled flak cannons, four massive tri-barreled shore bombardment cannons, torpedo arrays, drone launchers, and two next-generation defense systems carrying no less than 40 missiles each.

But that moment was closely tied with when I had to force a stolen nuclear submarine to surface using depth charges only to have it fire 40 ICBM’s at US Naval forces, or perhaps that near perfect recreation of D-Day which I provided Close Air Support for. Oh, or maybe it was when I destroyed an entire chemical weapons plant, or possibly when I used heat seeking missiles to detach a railcar full of civilians from a train carrying a nuclear bomb. Maybe even when I averted Armageddon by shooting down 10 nuclear missiles as they launched. So many choices.

Thunder Wolves is an 80’s action movie put into helicopter game form and diagnosed with ADHD. It hits every cliché ever, leaves no doomsday plot unturned, and takes the player through every “bad guy” hot spot on the planet, aside from Russia because that would be too easy.

The player controls a helicopter flown by pilot Max, a man who destroyed an entire soccer stadium because he disapproved of the sport, and gunner Blister, named in honor of his apparently striking resemblence to a blister found on Max’s buttocks.

Though to call the feats of engineering this dynamic duo pilots “helicopters” would be a crime, because what kind of normal helicopter has nitrous built in? Or two chain guns? Or three separate missile batteries with infinite ammo? The helicopter shaped death machines found in this game have all of these, and fall into three distinct classes: supply, attack, and recon.

The core gameplay is simple. Use the machine gun on light enemies, missiles on heavy enemies, and pop flares when you have incoming ordinance. It sounds repetitive, but the game’s graphics and sound designs are top notch, the enemies have a lot of variety, and constant catch phrases from your gunner (“I see dead people!”) provides plenty of distraction and entertainment to the point that your finger never leaves the MG fire button, and switching between missile types to ensure a constant barrage almost becomes second nature.

But that’s not all, as even though the traditional “go to this location and kill everything that moves” objective occupies roughly half the game, the other half is extremely varied gameplay. Occasionally your pilot will fly the helicopter for you, your camera switches to a first person cockpit view, and you’re given control of the MG to mow down groups of infantry.

Other times you get a high-powered sniper rifle to eliminate gaurds in order to rescue hostages. And even in one case you’re not in a helicopter at all, instead taking control of an armored personnel carrier to go rescue your downed ally. These are just some examples of the gameplay variety found in this four-hour adventure.

From a technical standpoint the game looks great, plays great, and feels great. Controls are fluid and easy to work with, the game is fully controller compatible, and the settings menu is simple and easy to navigate, but at the same time, extensive in function.

The characters are interesting enough, distinguished through their funny banter. “How does an evil villain get this many vehicles?!” “He must contract in bulk.” Though my favorite line occurred halfway through when Max has to fly solo to rescue Blister from a prison camp, and can’t figure out how to launch missiles. After saving Blister, he asks “Hey, kid. How do you fire missiles?” to which Blister replies “You see the big red button on the control panel clearly labeled ‘missiles’?” “Oh.”

Sadly, the plot is weak and illogical, which is really the game’s only true downside. The only backstory you really get is that Max works for a mercenary group called the Thunder Wolves, and gets assigned to shoot things when people pay him to do so. The driving plot doesn’t really come into play until the final three missions, and the resolution is disappointingly the usual “kill things” type.

Ultimately, Thunder Wolves is a very competently crafted, ridiculously fun shoot em’ up that requires you to turn your brain off and just appreciate the explosions. If you go into this game expecting realistic flight mechanics, a gripping plot, and a general sense of the game taking itself seriously, you’ll hate it. But if you get back from a stressful day of school or work and just want a game where you can blow up entire cities full of enemies without a care in the world while yelling along to corny catch phrases, then this is the game for you.

If this game was a $60 title, I would say it’s a sub-par action game that’s not worth the price, but clocking in at only $10, it would be a mistake to not buy it.

As Max once said in game, “It ain’t rocket science, kid. It’s just rockets.” If you want an uncomplicated explosion fest to relieve a little stress, there’s no better game than this. So join the Thunder Wolves, get assigned a stupid call sign, grab yourself a Murdermatic-9000, and go see some dead people. Welcome to the team.