I am not one for procrastination so I would like to start by sweeping some cumbersome Prom issues out of the way. After all, it’s only six months away.

To all the hopeful female suitors wishing to take my hand in “Promage,” your attempts will be futile as I have chosen the solitary route.

In other news, Thanksgiving fast approaches and I believe it would be simply appalling if we were to ignore all the many things that we, as citizens of the SL nation, are ever so thankful for.

Firstly, we are painfully thankful for the astonishingly useful and newly instated period entitled “teacher advisory.” Kudos to the team that engineered this period, which prevents students from working with teachers, and instead gives them a chance to “bond and learn life lessons with students of all grade levels.”

This is a magnificent schedule change as bonding is much more important than academic excellence.

We Seahawks are also thankful for the campaign ad infection that plagued our internet without relent. Commercials saying things like “Barack Obama is Chinese, he ain’t American,” and “Romney has more money than Jay-z and Kanye West combined” were examples of ads brought smiles to our lips and peace to our souls.

After all, who goes to YouTube to watch videos? We come for the creative advertisements.

It would be wrong to forget our beloved Donald Trump. I am personally appreciative of him to an extent unknown to man. When all other “birthers” allowed the suspicion of President Obama’s “questionable American citizenship” to slowly subside, Trump frantically flung gasoline into the dying embers and kept the flames burning strong.

As a journalist, I am thankful for the example he has set as an investigative journalist. By maturely attempting to bribe the President into releasing his college forms and demanding lengthy birth certificates, he has admirably displayed attention to ethics and general respect. 

Finally, we are thankful for the end of Daylight savings. Arriving home at three and attempting to take a jog is delightful, especially when by the time we finish our homework, it is already nightfall. The lights of our sky now shut down by six o clock leaving all us exercise seekers subject to the mutilation and or terror of unleashed dogs and their owners. Now I jog with a stick tightly in my hand, prepared to fight to the death.

I am so thankful, I can barely swallow my turkey.